My First C-Section Experience

Megan Crawford
Names and identifying details about my client have been left intentionally vague. Theirs is not my story to tell.

I’ve been a doula for years. I’ve been to many births and I’ve helped out many families as a postpartum doula. And a few weeks ago, I checked off another experience that every doula must eventually have - the unplanned c-section.

What Led to the C-Section

My client was amazing. She did everything right. She stayed healthy. She stayed pregnant as long as possible. She and her husband are an unbreakable team that did absolutely everything right. And then she labored for a VERY long time. Baby just wasn’t in the right position, and he was stuck behind one of her bones. By the time the hospital staff brought up the idea of the surgery, she was so exhausted I’m not sure there was any other option. On top of that, because she was past 40 weeks, the placenta was starting to lose efficacy. We were worried about Baby.

What the C-Section Was Like (from my point of view)

Now, logically, I know that a c-section is something that they do multiple times a day. The hospital staff have it down to a dance - patient goes this way, nurses go that way, doctor is here, support people are here, and everyone knows the steps.

But that doesn’t remove the fear from the situation. While waiting to go into the room with her, I sat with her husband. He was terrified. He said he didn’t want to lose her. What could I say? I did my best to hold space for what he was feeling, and then said the only thing I could think to say : she’s going to be fine. If we can get through these next few minutes, you’ll have your baby in your arms and she’ll be just fine.

And I was TERRIFEID that I was wrong. What if something happened? What if I was lying to him right now? I truly believed that everything would be ok. The staff at the hospital was awesome (except this one guy…). But I also know that unexpected things happen all the time when it comes to birth.

We didn’t see a thing. They put up the big blue sheet at my client’s shoulders, and her husband took her left hand while I took her right. We took turns shielding her eyes from the light and rubbing her hair. The medication had her shaking uncontrollably, which was making her miserable. I just kept thinking that as soon as Baby was out she could sort of detox and she’d feel so much better. I wanted to alter time to get her to that point faster.

When Baby was born, they held him up over the sheet so Mom and Dad could see him. They both started crying, I think. I might have started crying a little, myself. It’s hard not to get emotional when shown something so beautiful.

The blue sheet stayed up while they fixed and cleaned up my client. Dad went back and forth between his baby and his wife. He was so lovestruck by both of them in that moment, I could see it so clearly in his face. Once she was ready they moved us to a room where lots of patients can recover from anesthesia at the same time, but she was the only patient in there so we made ourselves somewhat comfy.

What I Learned

One of the biggest things I learned was about myself: that my place is next to the birthing person. Full stop. When baby was born, she told me “go cut the cord”. We had talked about this and I still feel beyond honored that they wanted me to do this. But I couldn’t leave her. Being next to her was much more important. Her husband cut the cord while I held her hand and stroked her hair, and I was right where I needed to be. And he was right where he needed to be, welcoming his baby into this life of love and light.

Unexpected things happen. Knowing that doesn’t make it easier. I feel honored to have the job I have, being in the room when a new person enters the world, when a family grows and parents see the most beautiful sight for the first time. I also feel honored to be there when things get tough. When someone needs to cry. I was made for this. I was made to hold space for people, to educate them about birth and babies and then to help them when it gets hard.

Someday, I’m going to be there when something worse happens. When everyone is not ok. And that will be very hard. But I will be there. I won’t leave until I’m not needed anymore. And I will feel honored to be there then, too. Being a birth worker, caring about my clients, it means staying there when it gets hard. And I hope I never take it for granted.

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